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Saturday, January 30, 2010

A (Very) Brief Heterosexual Dating History, Bachelorette #5

I’ll attempt to be as even-handed as possible, but this stands as the worst date I’ve ever been on, so forgive me if I sound a bit negative.

Also, sorry this one’s a bit long.

Glenda

Glenda

Height: 5’5”
Hair: Brunette
Eyes: Brown
Talent: Watercolors Random Fact: She married before any of her returned missionary brothers.

The Date (w/background):

Since 8th grade, Glenda had been an on-again, off-again friend.  We knew each other, had fun conversations, but when we made no special efforts to hang out or maintain comments when we didn’t have a class together or find ourselves in circumstances in which we’d see each other regularly. 

This was the case until high school.  Once we had the freedom to drive and construct our own schedules, we really defined ourselves as people and a group of friends. 

Towards the end of our junior year, Nate and I made a pact.  We were going to deconstruct the exclusive, clique structure of our high school by seeking out the lost and the lonely and inviting them to be a part of our group of friends (essentially consisting of Cole, Jacqueline, Emily, Payton, Chenese, me, and Nate).  circle of friends

As a result, our core group of friends nearly doubled as Serenity, Bronson, Glenda, Arthur, and others became regulars.  Although we never discussed why they became part of the group, they each expressed gratitude in their own way. 

I suppose Glenda did so by flirting.  Although she joked about becoming a celibate Mormon nun for the rest of her life, there was clearly a very sexual undertone to the way she interacted with us, which manifested itself in the form of talking about hypothetical dates and marriages as well as teasing the boys with the fuller parts of her figure.

Arthur was one particular target of this appreciation.  He was highly interested in her and she, like most teenage girls, appreciated the attention that he gave her.  Their relationship became something of a game. 

Although they’ve since grown up, at the time, they were like a couple of second graders.  When accused of having a crush on each other, their immediate reaction was denial (despite a steady stream of dates and make-out sessions).  She didn’t want to get tied up in the cultural stigma of a serious relationship with someone who hadn’t served an LDS mission yet while he went along with not calling it anything so as to continue said dates and make-out sessions.make out session

Fast forward four years:

“It’s been so long, GMB!  How have you been?  I hardly recognize you!” she exclaimed pulling me down for a strong embrace.

“I’m doing great,” I said with my head over her shoulder.  “Emily and I decided it’s been 3 years and a couple of months.”

Releasing me from a rather large hug, she said, “Wow.  It definitely feels that long.”

She had just returned from a mission in South America and it was time for the ritual welcome home activities: an address in church, family get togethers, and parties to catch up with all of your closest friends. 

At this little gathering, most of us were able to make it.  Arthur , however, was visibly absent as things had not ended well between them.  The night was still highly enjoyable.  We listened to her stories of culture and conversion and caught up on what she’d missed. 

Nate and Chenese’s wedding was amazing!” Cole noted.  It was just what we’d always imagined it would be. 

“Oh,” I said, “and there are so many good movies and TV shows you’ve been missing out on.  You’d love Ugly Betty and I think you’d like Bridge to Terabithia.”

Something clicked.  Glenda seized upon that point.  Naturally, she loved movies.   I thought nothing of it. 

“Really?” she mused. “What other movies do I need to see?”

I, Cole, and Emily named off a few: 

“Let’s see… Mean Girls…”
…Stardust…
…Dreamgirls and Hairspray”
 
…Breach…

“Are any of those still in theaters?”

Stardust is still in the dollar theater,” I said.

“Great!  We’ll have to find a day to go and see it.”

stardust

What I didn’t understand at the time was that by “we” she didn’t mean GMB, Emily, Cole, Glenda, and others.  She really meant GMB and Glenda.

“Hey, we’re going to go see Stardust tonight.  Do you think you’ll make it?” she asked a couple of days later over the phone.

“I’ll be there.  I’d love to see it again.”

There I sat waiting outside the theater.  Ten minutes early and wondering where everyone else was as usual. 

With a few minutes to spare, Glenda sped into the parking lot in the same large red pickup she’d driven since she was sixteen.  I couldn’t help but chuckle when she jumped two feet out of the car. 

“Are you sure you don’t need a parachute for that jump?” I teased.

“So you’re gonna start that again?  We’re going to miss the previews.”

We got in line for tickets and before I knew it she was off to the bathroom. 

“I’m off to the restroom then I’ll meet you in the lobby,” she said.

I then knew I was in dating hell.  Not only that, but Cole and Emily were not on their way to save me. 

I was left to purchase our tickets. 

I’d been duped into a date.

I was not happy.

awkward-first-date Deceived, I passive-aggressively kept conversation to a polite minimum.   I had an excuse.  We were there to see a movie, right?  Not to chit-chat or flirt.

I looked over her occasionally to gauge her reaction.  Her shoulders were very tight.  She was anxious.  Curious about my thoughts on the date.  In my peripheral vision, I picked up on her making similar glances at my reaction. 

It was then that I realized, she’d come back in a very common state of mind for returned missionaries.  Marriage was the first thing on her mind.  I tried to keep my anger muted. 

I laughed at all of the funny parts and took in a deep breath in all of the suspenseful parts.  However, every time I just couldn’t maintain my composure, I’d look at my watch wondering How long until this is over?

Our goodbye was a stiff hug seconds after leaving the theater.

“I’ve got to get to my homework,” I said as I looked towards my car. 

We made no eye contact and only spoke to each other on a handful of occasions following our date.  She blamed me for the date going badly. 

“GMB’s just become so arrogant since he lost that weight.  None of us are good enough for his time,” she said days later on a visit with Emily to bring some soup to an ailing Cole.  (I suppose she was referring to me looking at the watch). 

“Glenda,” Emily said, “GMB’s not a selfish person.  He’s just not interested in dating at this point.  He might not have been a total gentleman, but I can see why he acted the way he did.  He had reason to feel like he was tricked.”

Slowly, Glenda began disassociating herself from the group and was married a few months later to a nicer, quieter young man.

 

The Lesson: Sometimes our desire to be obedient and do as we’re instructed keeps us from treating each other with the respect we deserve.

 

End, Part 5.

6 comments:

Love in said...

Alright, my honest reaction to this is that it didn't seem like that "bad" of a date. No screaming at each other, no spilling red wine on her, nothing too embarrassing or horrible. You didn't even seem to have the sense of dread or discomfort you mentioned at the end of your last hetero-date post.

Its clear you didn't have a good time, and that she came away from it thinking you were something of an ass. But what really makes this your "worst" date ever?

C.J. said...

Oh, if this is your worst date ever, you're doing pretty well! You don't even want to know about my worst date(s) ever.... I'm sure it was awkward, though...and I, personally, have always hated the "I'll trick you into a date" maneuver!

The Boob Nazi said...

Well, how awkward was that. I couldn't imagine tricking a guy into that.

Ethan said...

Sorry I agree with the others, didn't seem that bad.

However I think she was a @$$ for tricking you into that date and the fact that she was soo upset about it serves her right for forcing you to go on a date like that

Mister Curie said...

I think your attempt to treat this date in an "even-handed" manner really deprived your readers of a highly entertaining post. ;) J/K

Sounds like a bad date, but you probably chose a good time to abandon dating women and pursue men so the women dates didn't get worse.

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

Haha, everyone. As Cole put it after reading this, "You have a glamorous dating life next to the rest of us if that's your worst date story."

@Mr. Curie: The last story is kind of mellow. At this point, it was more of a transition to not dating at all rather than dating men. It didn't occur to me until months later that I realized my attraction to men.

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