Thursday, January 21, 2010

AfterMARK, Part 9


The shock of getting busted for parking didn’t wear off very easily. Sure, I’d laugh at it in conversation with Cole, but it was really my first brush with danger. What if I’d gotten fined? What if the officer had been one of those psychos?

Things with Anderson did take a toll whether as a result of the incident or because of our schedules. Conversations grew infrequent, but we remained in contact.

text_message Meanwhile, conversations with Cowboy Mark continued at a steady pace. Often, he would text me about the beautiful autumn weather or a line of poetry and I would think, Geez, he’s the perfect guy: sensitive, manly, sincere… but not for me.

On our last date, my mind kept going back to the original Mark—the one that had remained so perfect in my mind and heart for so long. To say that I would ever feel exactly the same about any other Mark (or any other man, for that matter), would be a lie. Just as I believe every individual is unique, so is every relationship.

We found ourselves at his place. I’d come over to watch TV with him and little did I know we were in the midst of the World Series. He sat in the recliner as I laid on the couch. Between innings, I ran upstairs to grab some drinks, noting again his ability to be a manly gay man in the details of his house:

Light beer was his drink of choice. Cowboy Mark’s kitchen embraced a “rooster” motif (for reasons that might take you a moment to process). And the living room where we found ourselves watching the game was also thematically decorated with photos of wildlife and pieces of taxidermy.

world series Although, I tried as hard as I could to appreciate baseball, I found myself falling asleep after drinking a Diet Coke. A few hours later, I awoke to find myself in his bed. As much as I love cuddling, I was not prepared for this. I immediately tensed up and searched for excuses. It was an awakening of other sorts as well.

Getting up, I woke him and explained uneasily, “I need to get home. I have a paper to write early tomorrow.” And like that it was over—the text-messaged lines of poetry subsided and we started avoiding each other at the gym.

It turned out my dreams for an atypical, manly guy were short-sighted and that my first love was still casting a heavy shadow over my love life and perhaps always would. My first love had become the standard every other man, whether that be this other Mark or Jack or Anderson, in my life would be measured against whether I liked it or not.

End of Series

after mash The title AfterMARK references a TV show from 1983-85 called AfterMASH, a spinoff of M*A*S*H which was a pun on the word ‘aftermath.’ The problem with many spinoffs is that they are more about the old show rather than the new characters or situations presented. This was the aftermath of Mark.


Anonymous said...

That sucks about the dating
Hope you can finally find a bf (don't forget I'm knew to your blog so if you have found a new bf then congrats)

Andy said...

GMB, another great series. I hope that you do find someone who can measure up to your standards. The first guy I "dated" was named Mark and it has been hard to get over him. I have a high standard for guys and that's why we ended up breaking it off. Like Ethan, I don't know if you have a boyfriend right now. But, if you don' will someday.

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

@Ethan and Andy: Nope. No boyfriend at the moment although there is at least one prospect at the moment. The problem with this blog, though, is that I talk about what happened a year ago and if I start talking too much about what's going on in the present, it's kind of like ruining the ending to a story. :D

Anonymous said...

GMB, I loved your series. Again, as always, you are an outstanding writer.

And, I have to agree with you- our first loves DO become the measuring stick, good or bad, for our future potential loves. That is probably why I have had just one love- no one has come even close to what she was.

Hope you are well in L. and that it is not too cold.

(BTW- I was having issues with blogger that could not be resolved, so I shut down my blog and my corresponding g-mail.) I will continue to visit you here at your blog, if alright?

Happy night! :)

Love and respect, always. slp

BB said...

This is the perfect timing for my post tomorrow. Thank you GMB. I love how you describe his house decorated with Roosters. My first thought was "Oh French Country like my mom" then I caught then pun.

PS, I am stealing this quote for tomorrow's Post

"It turned out my dreams for an atypical, manly guy were short-sighted and that my first love was still casting a heavy shadow over my love life and perhaps always would. My first love had become the standard every other man, whether that be this other Mark or Jack or Anderson, in my life would be measured against whether I liked it or not"

Cole said...

As you might infer, dear Reader, GMB has never been the type to be wooed by watching two groups of large men participating in activities which include only one ball; if you go back and read "The Five Tests (, you will see that Test #2 is The "Cole" Test. One question--which was quickly added after GMB's interlude with Mark the Second (described above)--goes something like this:

Which of these two dates would be your first choice:

Option 1) A lovely dinner for two, some nice wine, and two tickets to the symphony, followed by musings on the way Rachmaninov used that deceptive cadence right before the coda (you weren't expecting that sort of musical guesture now, were you?);


Option 2) A couple of hotdogs, covered in sauces and sauerkraut, some Coca-Cola, and two seats in F.C Stadium, driving home in victorious silence, your vocal folds bruised from having cheered for however long about the wining homerun.

If the candidate answers incorrectly, there just isn't any chance. ;)

Cole said...

It's a bit late here, where the mountains stand firm around us (can you hear the desert singing?). So, please carry on! carry on! carry on! and ignore those spelling errors in my last comment. Thanks!

wozzel said...

I don’t comment as often as I would like to, but that’s only because I don’t always have something to say. What I will say though is that I’m quite addicted to your blog at the moment. It reads like a good book and I look forward to each new post! Keep it up dude, and have a great weekend.

Q said...

OMG - AfterMASH!!! What a GREAT reference - my Grandparents were OBSESSED with MASH and AfterMASH. Some of my vaguest and earliest memories involve MASH at their house (I was born while my parent's lived with them).

Looking forward to the next series - This is MUCH better than Jersey Shore :)

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

@slp: Sorry for the technical difficulties. I hope you didn't lose any information or your blog. L. is pretty mild this week. We're mostly in the 30s. Almost everyone has a moment where they realize their first has become a measuring stick. I guess we all learn in different ways.

@BB: Very timely indeed. Very well used.

@Cole: Yes. The Cole Test has undergone some tweaking and will continue to be tweaked.

@Wozzel: I'm glad you're enjoying it. We'll see how you like the next series. It's a really different approach and examines a very specific aspect of my life before I thought I was gay.

@Q: I still need to see AfterMASH. I think I'll get it on DVD just for the heck of it someday.

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