I’ve been putting off discussing the Prop. 8 leg of my story for a while. I feel I can finally (almost) do it justice and talk about some very difficult issues for me.
The next series, “A Series of Sundays,” will get at some of the issues of belief I’ve been a bit more guarded about over the past year and take the blog in a different direction if only temporarily.
…How fitting the timing as we gear up for season premiers this week….
The title of this series was in part inspired by a novel by J.M. Coetzee (The Life and Times of Michael K).
The stanzas of the following poem served as the epigraphs for my latest series. The poem developed as I wrote the series. I still think Stanza one needs some serious work; its ideas might be better served in the poem’s title.
Romantic and
Rational
Converge
In braided Reality.
Pitching ropes
Across the crevasse
To
One another,
They create,
Bridging the divide,
Plank by plank.
Slats and
Strands
Come together,
Pulling each other taught with
Friction.
The sounds
Of fiber against fiber
Of purpose and
Of pieces pulled
Together
In Divine construct
Stand solid
Then give way. Cord
Unbraided. Limbs
Cracked. Gods
Felled.
We stand,
We stare
From either side
Of
The bridgeless gap.
Starting the blog a year ago, I can honestly say that I felt alone in many ways. Though I’d dated and become a part of a community, I had a hard time finding a group of people who had thought much about the issues of identity that I faced.
Part of the reason I started this blog was so that I could openly get at those issues. My very moniker, “Gay Mormon Boy,” gets at the complexities of the paths we face as MoHos.
We are gay.
While others prefer terms like Same-Gender Attracted, we are in the same boat. We face contradictions in our God-given, biological emotions and the second part of our identities.
We are Mormon.
Some of us don’t believe in the doctrine while others practice it fully. If I’ve learned anything, we are as diverse as any group of people out there in our beliefs and actions. None of us can escape the impact of the LDS Church upon the way we conceive our lives. Until we resolve these issues for ourselves (in whatever way we deem fit for ourselves), we are left in constant contradiction.
We are boys.
There is perhaps no more conflicted state for a human being than adolescence. We are asked to abandon childish things and take up the mantle of manhood upon reaching puberty. Taking on the biological, social, and emotional challenges, we must resolve conflicts and changes in identity as we grow into the men (or women, a nod to the lady MoHos out there) we must become with no guarantee that we will ever fully arrive. In many ways, the challenge we face in resolving the MoHo identity for ourselves is a second round of adolescence.
There is no way I could handle this journey alone (in fact, I may owe my life to the MoHo community as you’ll find out in this second year of posts). For that reason, I and Horizon (a fellow blogger) have an announcement to share later today. We will unveil a resource to make sure that none of us feel alone in our respective “Wanderings and Delusions.”
One year ago, this all began in a tiny village in Chile. It’s true and I’ll get around to explaining how it all happened, but for now the important part is that I’m still here and feel like I’ve grown a lot as a writer. Not losing those skills was a major goal of mine following graduation from college.
The first of my major announcements today is a couple of new concepts I’ve developed in writing this blog.
The first concept is “Live Revise.”
Imagine being able to see an author revise his/her book in front of your eyes. In a matter of weeks, I plan to have that option open to you as I take my series posts and revise them into the chapters of a book (a long and complicated process that I’m just beginning, mind you). Using Adobe’s Buzzword, I plan to grant you all access to a book version of the blog. (BTW—don’t take this as a sign I’ve found a publisher or anything, although if you’d like to find me one, by all means…).
At present, basic formatting isn’t up to par and my current blog template isn’t all that agreeable with inserting a reader, so look forward to that ‘innovation.’
The second concept is “Spiral Staircase Narrative.”
The structure of this blog is unique in that it is all set roughly a year in the past. As I approach year two of the blog, I will build upon year one in some very vital aspects. For instance, one of my greatest romantic disappointments came as I was writing about my breakup with my first boyfriend. My allusions to the blog will shed light on the process as the writing builds upon itself in a very unconventional sense. When year three rolls around, it will built upon year two building upon year one and so forth.
At the very least, I hope this will provide some literary theorist a good smirk.
Keep posted for announcement number two which has the potential to affect the entire MoHo community.
In celebration of hitting 200 posts today, I’ll give you twenty more teasers for future posts:
My apologies if the enigmatic nature of this post is unsatisfying. Hopefully it finds a balance of curiosity (nay titillation), concern, and understanding. The next two hundred posts will likely encompass some of the darkest and some of the happiest moments of my life.
In the past month, I’ve received more than a few emails about my M.I.A. status in the MoHoSphere. Let’s just say this has proven to be the busiest and most rewarding month in a long time. Normally, I’m not all that open about the present as it’s a sort of spoiler on my blog.
I will mention three things, though:
And three more things coming soon to the blog:
Unfortunately, Sonriso isn’t coming along as quickly as I’d expected. Another difficult post is on its way (although difficult for reasons you probably wouldn’t suspect).
In the meantime, I received a great suggestion from a friend (which will likely include some photography of my wardrobe…) and decided to put out a call for more suggestions. Any questions/suggestions are welcome here or via email (agaymormonboy@gmail.com).
Cole asked me a very interesting thing the other night:
“GMB, why aren’t you a Mac user?”
Under the assumption that most ecologically-friendly, socially-conscious, artistic people are Mac friendly, his inquiry made some sense. My liberal guilt has called into question my devotion to my poor PC many a time.
That said, there is one thing that keeps me going with my 3-year old Dell laptop:
It may sound silly, but the interface of this blogging program is perfect for me and parting with it would be like saying goodbye to 30 Rock. My workplace has already offered to lend out a new Macbook, but I still can’t make the jump. Perhaps I’m misinformed or my research on the topic is lacking, but all the equivalent tools for Macs seem to be less intuitive or otherwise lacking.
Those of you on PCs and serious about blogging, I highly recommend it and those of you on Macs feel free to attempt to persuade me to join the dark side.
I’ve been out of commission for a couple of days as a result of a some recent events. Mostly the fact that an old flame (Jonathan) reappeared in my life and my emotions went a bit crazy. The story of how we met is coming up soon.
Apologies have been on the mind (for a few reasons), so sorry for disappearing. Thanks for your concerned messages and letting me know that what I write makes a difference.
So I thought today I’d be starting a new series (titled, “Sonriso”) but I think today would better be served by a rundown of my timeline, considering I’ve been at this for about ten months and also because I've complicated things recently with Missionary Monday.
Currently, I’m 25.
Here are some pics from the local Day of Silence:
Thursday’s post was featured in the exhibit.
Everything should be back to normal on Monday. I'll be responding to your comments from the past weeks shortly.
Dear Stephenie—
Thank you for being a part of our little joke yesterday. One quick look at your busy calendar will show remind you that yesterday was April 1, and even though you didn’t have any involvement or consent in yesterday’s buffoonery, we’re grateful for your guest appearance.
Perhaps you should take our little joke seriously. I think gay men have a lot to offer to your fiction. (And, no, that’s not a jab at your outfit, Stephenie). There is as much wrong with gay men as there is with straight men, but let’s face it: there’s a general tenderness that need not be tamed, an empathy that heals hearts’ wounds, and a confidence straight men can’t offer because our aims are simply different.
Had Bella had a gay BFF to talk her down from her vamp-chasing ways, I realize it wouldn’t have made for a great story, but it would definitely save many Twilight superfans a few relationship therapy sessions down the road. Those are just my two cents.
Sincerely,
GMB
Many of you who read this blog know my true identity. Some of you have figured it out and asked. Others I have told. But due to recent events I must reveal to all of you the honest truth.
As you know, I have been writing under a pseudonym but what you probably don’t realize is that I operate concurrent blogs. I am the author of both www.agaymormonboy.blogspot.com and www.belovedboyd.blogspot.com
Yes the blogger behind both “The Journey of a Gay Mormon Boy” and “The Wandering Delusions of a Gay Mormon Boy” is the same person. What's more is that both of these blogs have been a social experiment. Last June, in an attempt to better my writing and understand the gay community I took up an alter ego, as I did research for my new project. I became a “Gay Mormon Boy” and created a work of pure fiction, testing new characters and ideas with an online audience.
I read many stories of angst and anguish that I hadn’t thought about before this experiment. They helped me craft my story that has hooked many readers. After a few months of writing one blog I knew that I had to have a companion story. Something raw and gritty. In order for people to believe Beloved Boyd I included a disclaimer of honesty so people would disassociate the two blogs.
I decided to include the second blog for several reasons, but mostly because I work well with two heroes in one long tale as is the case with my most famous work and as these the two blogs intersect and become one. I am certain that you are familiar with my other works as I see them discussed across the Moho blogosphere, and hope that as you read this new blog (starting tomorrow at www.gaymormonboys.blogspot.com) you'll enjoy the adventures of GMB and Boyd, my new Jacob and Edward.
Sincerely,
Stephenie Meyer
As a result, most of my writing energies will go into other endeavors to which I've already committed myself (two national and regional research presentations, the creation of an exhibit in Salt Lake set to open in June, a full-time job, editing a friend's dissertation, etc.). This basically means that posts during this time will be shorter, funnier, and based on not-so-original content.
That said, Missionary Monday will continue and the next series will have a bit more planning put into it as I untangle the ambiguity of the last series finale. (Something I'm quite satisfied with, by the way. I only wish I'd hashed out the motif in the title a bit more in those last posts-- that's what revisions are for, though).
I wish you well, but promise a big revelation very soon.
In first grade, I remember the 100th day of school in Mrs. Brazier’s class. Everybody was supposed to bring in 100 of something. The Egan twins brought squeaky cheese. My friend Eric brought a collection of Hot Wheels.
My item was a quilt with a hundred patches. It was made out of tricot. I have a similar one on my bed right now and I’m cuddled up in it right now (wishing I were sharing it with someone).
For this, my hundredth post, I first considered the trusty 100 random facts post, I thought that was way too much effort, so instead, I offer several small lists (which should not be considered rankings).
10 Hobbies:
Blogging/Writing
Reading
Watching TV
Trying New Recipes
Procrastinating Chores
Hanging Out with Friends
Coming Up with New Projects
Shopping (I am a D.I. Maniac)
Daydreaming
Socializing
10 MoHo blogs I Read Religiously:
Third-Wave Mormon
Journey of a Gay Mormon Boy
Finding Myself
Evolution of a Lesbian
Hidden in the Light
The Slightly Disturbing Adventures of Grant Haws
Into the West
Sneakers in Sacrament
Captain Midnight
The Gaily Universe
15 Turn-ons (Thanks, Kurt):
Stunning Smile
Good Laugh
Academic Nerdy Vibe (Where are you, male version of Tina Fey?)
Asian Guys
Curly Hair
Love of NPR
Latin American Accents
Slim Figure
Goals/Direction
Reciprocation/Equality
Boxer Briefs
An Opinion
Commitment-Oriented
10 Non-Moho Blogs:
BriTunes
a million miles from normal
GleeFan.com | A blog and fansite for Fox's TV Show 'Glee'.
My bizarre world
The Maudlin story of a Bisexual Boy
Doctor Who News Page
The Narrow Gate (Mo but not Ho)
Joe. My. God.
Disney Film Project
One Fine Gay
10 Romantic Comedies:
Love Actually
Ever After
(500) Days of Summer
Notting Hill
Pretty Woman
13 Going on 30
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Mannequin
Miss Congeniality
So I Married an Axe Murderer
10 Grad schools I’m Considering:
Washington U. in St. Louis
NYU
UNC-Chapel Hill
University of Toronto
Harvard
Columbia University
University of British Columbia
Berkeley
UCLA
U-Penn
(I’m taking suggestions)
10 Musicals:
Dreamgirls
Hairspray
Company
Children of Eden
Mamma Mia! (mostly because of a wonderful story involving Cole)
Into the Woods
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
The Light in the Piazza
Songs from an Unmade Bed
10 Dream Jobs:
Professor of Literature at a University
Writer for Television
Entertainment/Travel/Social Journalist
Writing TV/Movie Reviews
Pizza Delivery (I’ve always wanted to for one night)
Oprah’s Librarian
Wedding/Event Planner
Tour Guide
Matthew Morrison, Tina Fey, Anderson Cooper, Lee Pace, David Tennant, or Meryl Streep’s Personal Assistant
Father
15 Posts I Enjoyed Writing:
The Wanderings and Delusions of a Gay Mormon Boy
Sharpening That Utah Gaydar
The “Not Gay” Man
“The Wall-E Principle”
“We Need to Talk”, Part 3
“We Need to Talk”, Part 5
I Now Pronounce Thee…, Part 4
I Now Pronounce Thee…, Part 5
I Now Pronounce Thee…, Final Part
The ‘Man Harem’ Post
Why Do We Like…?
The Experiment, Part 5
AfterMARK. Part 6
AfterMARK, Part 8
A (Very) Brief Heterosexual Dating History, Bachelorette #4
Thanks for reading.
Please let me know (via email or comment) if you have any questions or requests for future posts.
As my blog isn’t conventionally set in the present, I’ve decided that a list of resolutions isn’t really fitting so, instead, I will give you a preview of what’s to come:
Happy New Year!
Pardon the reference to the overly-used lyrics from the Broadway hit Wicked. It has a lot to do with what I’d like to speak about today. (An aside: Steven Schwartz is a genius, but his other works like Children of Eden deserve far more attention). I feel the need to address some criticism to my writings.
As I watched the movie Away We Go, I thought a lot about the journey I’ve taken with my friends since our sophomore year of high school. We’ve been struck by a fair amount of tragedy and success. We are going places and doing things. We also manage to stay close despite being in the northwest, the south, the East coast, and Utah. Very recently, I came to the realization that I have an amazing and diverse network of friends (on Facebook of all places).
The movie follows Burt (John Krasinski, The Office) and Verona (Maya Rudolph, SNL), on a journey to figure out the life they want to provide their daughter. Along the way, they see plenty of good and bad examples of romantic and parental relationships and resolve to provide their child the life she deserves leaving behind their go-nowhere, dead-end lives. The question that remains is how?
Like the couple in the movie, I have surrounded with a diverse group of people that teach me important life lessons on a regular basis. I learn from them how to love, how to be a better person, and how to treat others with the respect they deserve. This blog has become not only a personal memoir of these life lessons. I consider it a “love letter” to the friends I’ve made in college, high school, as well as through this blog and other experiences.
Friends, thank you again for all of the things you continue to teach me.
Last night, I watched the movie Julie and Julia with my friends for my friend Annie's birthday. It's a movie I highly recommend. One that touches on how the simple things in life such as cooking or the love of another person (simplicity there is debatable, I know) can bring joy to one's life. In the film, Amy Adams and Meryl Streep's characters' are both brought purpose and meaning as they cooked; however, I feel that the greater art in these life lessons—what really gave them focus and joy was sharing their joys and struggles through the written word. As someone who studies the written word, I may be biased, but it is the most purposeful way for two people to connect as the writing process requires editing, consideration of one's audience, and construction of voice. In the movie, Julie starts a blog to bring meaning to her life, setting the goal of cooking all of the recipes in Julia's cookbook. As she sets out on her journey to complete every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook, she explains the goal to her readers. All of that led me to wonder if I'd provided any meaning to those of you who stumble upon this blog. I struggle sometimes with being direct, so I'll come right out and say just what I hope to accomplish through my writing. This blog (about the experiences of a GMB one year after the actual events generally) was created in order to: In the short time that I've been writing, I've received a few laughs and a few thank yous. That is as satisfying and meaningful as the writing itself.
