AfterMARK. Part 6

Some Enchanted Evening

After a few weeks, Anderson and I managed to plan a first date. Naturally, I was busy with my schoolwork, research projects, and social life in general while his life was occupied by the theatre. From the beginning, he showed an incredible amount of dedication. Afterall (as Sondheim teaches us), “Art isn’t easy.”

The weeks preceding this date were filled with a number of conversations via Facebook and text messaging. We learned each other’s tastes, interests, histories, and goals. His relationship with another actor had ended recently and expectedly as he joined a touring cast.

We’d found common interests. Of course, we both loved the theatre. We enjoyed nice shoes and food. We shared the Gay Mormon Boy background. And finally, our taste in music, movies, and television was uncanny.

After sharing with him my theory of how Pushing Daisies is a metaphor for the celibate Gay Mormon Relationship (as discussed in Walking the Fence), we decided that we’d take a night and watch it together. After much discussion about our schedules, working around his rehearsals and my homework, we figured out a time and place to meet.

I grabbed my backpack, threw in my Pushing Daisies DVDs and set off to meet Anderson after his rehearsal. He came out and met me at my car. The night began with a big hug. The strength in his chest and arms became evident he held me for that brief second.

It was late—just after 10—as he asked me putting his arm around my back, “Do you know where we’re going now?”

“Not a clue.”

“I’m going to give you a little tour.”

He showed me everything a theatre geek had to get excited about—the costume shop, the blackbox theater, the dressing rooms, the control booth, etc. It was clear, as he told me story upon story, that this was his life and that in order for something else to fit in his life, it had to be compatible with his passion. The thought was slightly intimidating.

Finally, as he came to the end of the tour, he showed me a large, black metal door. “What’s behind here?”

“It’s the stage, obviously.”

“There’s more to it than that.”

He opened it and entered first. Taking my hand he pulled me into the darkness.

“Stay here for a second.”

I listened as his careful steps made a tapping noise across the wood floor. His steps grew fainter as he disappeared into the hollow air and an echo began to follow his footsteps. Suddenly, there was a loud click and light peering out behind the curtain. Blue! Another click. Red! Another. Green!

As I made my way towards the light the relics of old productions drew my attention. Trees of various shapes and sizes. Giant playing cards. A pirate ship. Slowly, I stepped towards the slit between the curtains. There on the ground lay a quilt and a bowl of popcorn. It was our picnic on the stage.

It was that romantic touch that made all the difference-- like a night under the stars. There was no doubt that Anderson was thoughtful and romantic, especially as we lay there in each other’s arms wrapped up in a blanket watching the show on my laptop.

My mind could not help but go back to Mark as I thought to myself, this feels good and right. If every moment of my life could be like those muscled arms around me, if I could feel special and cared for as I did when he pressed his lips to mine, then I would feel complete.

End, Part 6.

You have until the end of the nine-part series to guess the significance of AfterMARK. The final clue is that AfterMARK references something that followed a book, movie, and television show. Said book was published in 1968.

And Now For Something Completely Different…

After a rather heavy set of posts, I’ve decided to lighten it up a little. I’m just going to indulge a bit. As I deal with a very busy life (family, friends, work, rehearsals, roommates, dating and related personal crises), I am putting the serious on hold for a few days at the very least.

As I write this, I tease my roommate about his crushes on Michael Phelps and Josh Groban. “I have many famous boyfriends.”

Today, I’ll indulge in a little fantasy of my own. In something I will call my:

Man Harem

—(I’ll avoid any polygamy jokes based in Utah history or the Old Testament…)—

Everybody has those guys they really find irresistible for whatever reason. Suppose you were to choose… say… ten guys to have to yourself. I’ll leave to your imagination the process.

Following a discussion with the author of Finding Your Path and In the spirit of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive Issue , I present to you my own selection.

10. Matthew Morrison

This one was a little obvious. I proudly must say that I fell for Mr. Schu far before many of you when he was playing Fabrizio in Adam Guettel’s The Light in the Piazza. Even though, he’s often compared to a cartoon charater, he has it all: curly hair, pothole-sized dimples, and vocal and dance moves to boot.

9. Tom Welling

Mr. Welling was probably my first, unrealized man crush. In high school, I never missed an episode of Smallville. I thought I was just jealous of how fit he was.

8. Cheyenne Jackson

This new addition to the best show on television (30 Rock) is also a talented singer and actor. The tall, dark, and handsome type with class.

7. Kayky Brito

Another actor, but none of you probably know him. He was in a pair of my favorite novells. Alma Gemeas and Cobras e Largatos. Again, even before the inklings of homosexuality manifested themselves, I couldn’t take my eyes off this guy.

5. Cary Grant

I didn’t say that they had to be alive, now, did I? He’s a leading man that transcends time.

6. Harry “Other Asian” Shum, Jr.

Okay, so I couldn’t help choosing another Gleek for my list. My choice, probably takes a few of you off guard. Let me just say: this kid has moves! By the way, trivia experts, his actual name on the show is Mike Chang.

4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Who knew that the kid from 3rd Rock would turn out normal let alone… um… yeah. Watching 500 Days of Summer ,I just wanted to take him and his hipster vests and tell him everything would be okay.

3. Lee Pace

He has that understated charm and comedic timing that’s just irresistible. All I really need to say, though, is he has a smile to die, un-die, and die again for. I’ll go back to writing my Pushing Daisies fan fiction now….

2. MIKA

I wish I could wear skinny jeans like him. Who knew that falsetto could be so sexy? What makes him even sexier is the mixing and composition that goes into his work. He is a visionary.

1. David Tennant

When I found out that they were reviving my favorite British television show (Doctor Who) 6 years ago, I was a total skeptic. I am now ever so thankful I was proven wrong. He is an actor that stands out as three-dimensional—able to get to show us the darker and lighter side of every character he plays. The dress, face and accent are also a huge draw, too.

Walking the Fence

Over the past year, I've found that walking the fence is one of the most difficult tasks that I've ever faced in my life. It didn't take more than a few months to find out that I was not the first or last one to try. There was a mutual understanding between Mark and myself that 'Pushing Daisies,' our favorite television show, appealed to us on a very personal level as GMBs (Gay Mormon Boys).

For us, a line was drawn that we could not cross. Like the main characters on the show, Ned and Chuck—both men's names, I might add—had a limit placed upon the level of their intimacy of tragic proportions. Even though we felt very strongly for one another, we knew that there were limits to how far we could go exactly. We both understood that, together, we could not go any farther than cuddling and making out. Although this was the main reason we felt compatible with one another, it was also the source of our demise.

In the past year, I've seen many GMBs defining and walking these rigid lines. For the most part, the topic is simply taboo. Often, we're taught from a young age that gay and evil are synonyms when in fact the two are anything but mutually exclusive. As a good friend once said to me, "I wish I didn't have to explain to people that I'm a good person and I'm gay. I choose to be a good person." GMBs adapt in several different ways. The following types form a spectrum of fence-walkers:

The Repressor—An all-too-common response to homosexuality is counseling in order to repress these feelings and replace them. Whether these 'remedies' purport to repress or fix the feelings, the basic message is the same: "gay is evil." I couldn't think of anything more difficult than admitting that one of the most essential parts of myself is evil. Upon being in invited to one of these support/counseling groups by a high school friend, I was initially insulted especially when he said that it would help me live the most normal life possible."

The 'Out' Mormon—In my life, I've come across maybe a half dozen GMBs who are 100% out and 100% active in the church. Some are even able to serve missions. Consequently, scrutiny comes from both sides of the fence and it becomes impossible to please the most closed-minded in the gay and the LDS communities. Also, by being 100% out, GMBs accept the limits LDS standards place on their relationships.

The Ever-In—One of the most complicated solutions is to fully embrace the gay side (sorry to wax so 'Star Wars' suddenly), but not share with those who would disapprove and are affiliated with the church. Generally, this means the family, but in some cases high school friends and mission friends. In my experience, GMBs in this situation often choose not to pursue relationships that present any risks. Upon mentioning that one of my siblings—close to his family—knew he was gay, he simply disappeared (I believe) because I presented a threat.

The Schizo—At the risk of sounding incredibly insensitive, I've observed that many guys consider certain GMBs just plain insane. A select few GMBs are able to resolve the conflict between religion and homosexuality by living a life of self-contradiction. They, in fact, divide their psyche into two selves. One goes to church, the other to the orgies. Consequentially, trying to live both lives comes at the cost of one's integrity and perhaps one's sanity.

By no means do I intend to imply that any of these methods are unethical or unacceptable (I lie somewhere in between the 2^nd and 3^rd categories). Each GMB's situation (esp. with his family) is different from the other and comparing my situation to anyone else's will only lead to my unhappiness. Looking at other GMB's situations and understanding them, however, has helped me to not blame myself for them making choices different from the ones I make.