Conference Controversy Follow-up

A more thoughtful consideration of the matter at hand.  Still a bit rough as I’m under the weather:

I've been considering for some time the best angle to examine the Boyd K. Packer talk.  As I don't see much change around the corner, it's convenient to just play it off as same ol', same ol'.  I only hope to offer some commentary and context that might otherwise go unnoticed.

First of all, the majority of us can agree that Elder Packer's comments were anything but unexpected.  For years, his three main threats to faith have been presented as: the gay rights movement, feminism, and "so-called intellectuals."  In each case, an aspect of individualism somehow threatens the doctrine.  In the case of intellectualism, dependence on scientific evidence threatens the leaps of faith made by members.  Feminism and homosexuality, however, threaten the patriarchal male-female role definitions fused into the Church’s doctrine.  For instance, a man can be sealed (married for time and all eternity through LDS religious authority) to several women, whereas a woman can only be sealed to one man.  Women who challenge these ideas such as Sonia Johnson find themselves excommunicated along with proponents of same-sex marriage.

An profile at  The Mormon Curtain examines Packer's conservative record.  Those of you outside of the LDS Church or relatively younger are likely less familiar with some of the history associated with all of this.  In 1976, Packer oversaw the publication of the anti-masturbation pamphlet “To Young Men Only.”  In 1977, he counseled members to only marry their own race, emphasizing that differences in race threaten success.  Issues of race and sexuality aside, I take issue with the emphasis on “pure faith.”

In this, Packer's brand of Mormonism is Pharisaical.  One of his more cited quotes, esp. in regard to 19 year-old missionaries, is that “a testimony is found in the bearing of it.”  The implication here is subtle, though worrisome. 

In my own journey, I’ve found that this philosophy (I hesitate terming it doctrine) has strengthened many people in following what they believe.  Herein lays the hostility toward intellectualism.  One is supposed to rely more upon what one is told than experienced via reason and in some cases one’s own five senses.  As a missionary, I taught people to depend upon both and find a balance.  “Read the Book of Mormon.  See what it makes you feel.  Don’t act upon convenience.” 

I find myself in a similar position as those I taught.  I look for the good in people and ideas.  I have a testimony of equality, that the love of two people who can procreate is no greater than that of two people who cannot, and that the happiness and righteousness of one person should not be the destruction of another.  My testimony of these things comes from probing these ideas and living them rather than having them fed to me. 

At least within the Mormon tradition, Pharisees have been characterized as those following the Law of Moses to an excessive degree and emphasizing the outward aspects of worship such as being publicly perceived as obedient.  They also attempted to legislate morality, bringing laws from the Torah (and in many cases from tradition associated with scripture) into everyday life.  The most obvious and problematic correlation here is the Proposition 8/Gay Marriage debate. 

As some of the more hopeful gay Mormon bloggers have brought up, the question of “Why would our Heavenly Father make someone gay?” is the antecedent to the entire gay marriage debate and a question which has not been addressed in the past.  Regardless of the theological implications of the responses to that particular question, another supersedes it:

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt ^alove the Lord thy God with all thy ^bheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy ^cmind. 
38 This is the first and great ^acommandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt ^alove thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the ^alaw and the prophets (Matthew 22).

Unfortunately, this passage exemplifies the doctrinal ambiguity LGBT Mormons face on a daily basis.  On the one hand, our brothers and sisters are to devote their love to the Lord and on the other to their neighbors (A of F 1, 11). 

So it seems that these two commandments stand in conflict with one another.  If homosexuality is a trait acquired through a sinful life and that one is able to overcome such as Packer clearly states, then protecting gays and lesbians from themselves through legislation on the morality of consenting adults fits.  This stance, however, hangs on these last strings of doctrine. 

As science continues to prove homosexuality an innate trait in humans and as mothers and fathers raise their children under optimum spiritual conditions only to come to terms with their children’s homosexuality later in life, the intellectual, experiential evidence, again, stands to threaten Elder Packer’s worldview. 

As his health declines and the old guard is replaced by the new, I tend to think that the rhetoric will be more measured and that the good done by so many different LGBT groups will even be recognized here in Utah—work to help the homeless, work to prevent discrimination, and work to treat all men and women as equals. 

For now, though, Elder Packer’s rhetoric should be treated as what it is: a hostile remnant of a bygone era similar to calls for racial purity and superiority that slowed to a trickle a generation ago.  These attitudes are a generational watershed of hate that trickle down to our youth.  As we cling to the idea that homosexuality can be cured, we teach a new generation not to love one another, but rather to hate ourselves—hate ourselves for being weak, for letting ourselves be influenced by Satan, for not being good enough parents, for letting our children slip away, and for letting ourselves accept our feelings and what our experiences tell us.  These attitudes result in the trauma that has fallen so many.  

Should this continue, the leap of faith that so many youth will take will be nothing more than a fall into depression and suicide.  Take a moment now to remember that everyone is valued and that happiness comes from valuing others regardless of their beliefs and allowing them to find peace with themselves. 

The Return, Collision of Proposition 8 and Mormon Faith

I’ve been putting off discussing the Prop. 8 leg of my story for a while.  I feel I can finally (almost) do it justice and talk about some very difficult issues for me. 

The next series, “A Series of Sundays,” will get at some of the issues of belief I’ve been a bit more guarded about over the past year and take the blog in a different direction if only temporarily.

…How fitting the timing as we gear up for season premiers this week….

I’m Not That Boy, Part 7

Ostinato

Underneath all of the busyness of my life—composing my thesis, a twenty hours of work a week, eighteen credits, church activities, and volunteer work as an English teacher—a steady and understated rhythm was beginning to surface in my life. As the drama of dating Derek and not dating Anderson panned out (more details in a future installment), my time with Ianto remained constant.

It seemed it was all I really wanted. But being new to dating, I wondered if it was really all that I wanted.

Two or three times a week, we had a standard date. Always dinner and a movie at his place. I found this in no way unimaginative because every time managed to be somehow different and special.

“You’re telling me you’ve never seen Latter Days and you were once a gay Mormon missionary?! We are watching it tonight, then,” he announced over dinner.

“Okay. You’ll have to twist my arm, though.”

In conversation, I’d heard it spoken of in the same terms as God’s Army for pushing the line and seriously addressing questions of faith. This is why I was interested in seeing both films and also why I’d avoided them. Deep down, I didn’t want to be a ‘bad Mormon’ and challenge my faith like that. However, this time the yes side won out.

As we lay on his bed watching the movie in his tiny room, I would occasionally notice him glancing over at my reaction and thinking, That’s what I do. He really cares what I’m thinking and feeling.

Although both of us were almost silent the entire movie, I felt as if he understood exactly what was going on in my head. As the “greenie” missionary arrived in the field, my mind went back to my mission days to meeting my trainer and my other roommates and thinking What have I gotten myself into?

He seemed to show concern when we watched the scenes of anonymous sex. He understood my shock as those things I’d only heard about had suddenly become a visual reality. I was disgusted, but also curious and as the plot unfolded, I began to understand some of the reasons that was a reality.

It wasn’t long before Ianto and I were as close as we could be laying next to each other on his bed. He held me from behind watching the movie practically through my hair or perhaps not watching the movie at all, but feeling my heart beat with his arms wrapped around my chest.

I tend to think it was the latter. He wasn’t Mormon, but he seemed to understand just how I’d processed the movie without talking about it or simply by listening to my heart. In a romantic way, I liked to think that as a musician he could read and interpret rhythms and variations to a degree of intimacy I hadn’t imagined.

“You weren’t prepared for it to get all cosmic like that, were you? Or when his mother slapped him. You didn’t breath for like half a minute,” he posited as he turned me around to face him on his bed.

“All true. The movie’s definitely not perfect. I don’t think it’s totally fair to either side, but I definitely came out of that understanding a lot of what I’ve been through better.”

“What do you mean?”

“I share a lot of my worries about my family and the Church with… what’s the missionary’s name?”

“Aaron.”

“Yeah. I worry that my parents will react the same way. And the sex… they were evil. I don’t know what to think about it. They were really in love and to express that love is sinful? Ianto,” I paused. “I haven’t even discussed this with Cole, but that’s what seems wrong with the Church. Telling each other how or who to love and passing laws to that effect is the one thing that could make it all true or all false for me. It seems almost hypocritical when 150 years ago there were places it was illegal to be Mormon. Being gay is as much a reality as being Mormon.”

“You’re not the only guy I’ve dated who’s been through this. I don’t think any of them have been quite so thoughtful or articulate about it, though, ” he said. In a way, he seemed to think of it as an elegy for the Church’s lost boys. Ianto was never Mormon, but as some of his best friends were, he made a sincere effort to understand and respect their beliefs.

“I don’t know if that makes things easier or harder for you, but I’m here. As much as I’d like to help you, I can’t. Watching the movie and thinking about it will only help you think through this, I think. That’s what art does.”

He looked me in the eyes communicating just how serious he was about what he’d just said before pulling me towards him for a tender kiss.

End, Part 7.

I Now Pronounce Thee…, Part 3

Self-Aware

Summer had lingered a few extra days last year. The dry heat provided a comfortable insulation to the inevitable cold about to beat at falls door. The air smelled of cut grass as the fourteen year-old boys who mowed them saw an end in sight for their summer jobs. Cole and I, were on our way to a pair of wedding receptions. With the standard wedding gift in hand—a popcorn popper, to remind us all of the fond memories of movie-watching and chatting—we made our way to the church meetinghouses to say our final goodbyes to Faith and Glenda.

Perhaps that seems a little strong. Weddings are, of course, joyous occasions, but commitment (rightly) comes with consequences that can be related to death. Once married, your relationship with a person can never be exactly the same—part of your relationship with that person is laid to rest. As two become one, compromises must be made as your social calendars merge, your number of friends and family commitments doubles, and you save whatever time is left after work and school. With each couple, the level of change is different; while some couples virtually disappear others remain a significant part of their social circles through facebook or regular social interaction.

In LDS culture, marriage is perceived as a step up in maturity. You get to have more responsibilities, more fun (*cough*…sex…), and move out of the good ol' singles ward. That day, it was pretty easy to perceive the change that would soon occur in our group of friends. Both returned missionaries, Faith and Glenda returned hoping to marry upstanding RMs (returned missionaries) and marry in the temple. Faith (one of the more beautiful girls who attended our high school) returned quite well-adjusted to BYU with her smile as gleaming as ever eventually encountering the man she would one day marry a couple of years later.

Glenda, on the other hand, had a particularly difficult time returning to the life she left behind. Her mother and best friend providing all the love and support one could ask for still did not compensate for the re-entry awkwardness so many missionaries face. The boys she'd dated had left the church and she returned in poor health. The following months were quite difficult not only for her but for many of her friends. Like many missionaries (mostly male, however), everything we discussed for the next six months was somehow related to a 10-minute mission story.

It was also apparent that she wanted to be married and quick. Within a couple of weeks she'd manipulated me into a date (this is a story for another series... probably later this month) and in six months she'd brought one of her exes back to the church and shortly marry thereafter… leading us back to that sultry summer weekend.

Cole and I passed through wedding lines, chatted with the parents of brides and grooms alike and enjoyed refreshments. Sitting at the receptions to these two friends, we had a subdued conversation about marriage. We were happy for the two of them (at varying degrees) and for their growing awareness of what it means to love someone and to be with them for "time and all eternity," yet at the back of our heads a pair of elephants in the room became apparent the longer we enjoyed the festivities:

1. Our closest friends are disappearing one by one.
   
2. Will we ever be the ones falling in love and pairing off? (…Definitely not with each other, btw…that topic also deserves its own post).

We occupied the air with conversation of memories of our friends (dearly-departed to another world)—the alliterative nicknames Faith had given us, the surprise parties, the senior trip with Glenda, and, or course, popcorn—rather than with these worries that would will someday be resolved.

End, Part 3