An Open Letter to Constance McMillen

For those of you who haven’t been following this young woman in the news, she’s a high school senior at Itawamba Agricultural High School, who cancelled their prom rather than allowing her to bring her girlfriend. Here’s a rhyming version of the story for your amusement:

Constance—

Watching you recently on Ellen Degeneres’ talk show, you made quite an impression on me. There’s something to be said for the future of this country. At your age (nearly a decade ago), I wouldn’t have conceived such a simple right as taking someone of the same sex to a dance as something acceptable. I suppose it took some personal experience and growth to realize that I don’t know everyone’s situation.

It is really irritating to look around and see people convinced that they know what is right and wrong , especially because I once did. The reality of the matter is that I had tricked myself into believing that I knew what was best for everyone even when that was sacrificed for basic freedoms—a majority convincing itself that it knows what’s best for everyone.

What makes you so admirable, my friend, is not that you see through these fallacies to the simple kernels of truth, but rather that you make nothing of it. You’re not doing so to show off or seek attention in any way. Although others intervened in your behalf and your story grew into something much larger, I like to think that one day you and your simple request will be looked at in a similar way to great women like Rosa Parks and Susan B. Anthony who ended up showing a nation—through small and simple things—that certain rights (even those seemingly as trivial as going to prom with another woman) transcend tradition.

Sincerely,
GMB

Constance on Ellen (referred to above):

An Open Letter to Fast Food Femme Fatales

And now another disjointed post as my vacation begins to wind down. I admit to eating out a lot more than I should. My roommates love the smell in the house when I cook, but sometimes I'm a very lazy person. (As has been the case with my writing for the past few days). I am no fast food connoisseur, but I have my opinions.

Wendy's, you are the hip place because you are cheap and not McDonalds. As spring arrives, I will no longer need the warmth of your day-old baked potatoes and hamburger-meat chili. The fries have been a little salty as of late, but I forgive you because of the new spicy chicken nuggets.

Burger King, you were always so blaze. You never really caught my attention until you changed the spices on your fries. You're like the unnoticed middle child and maybe that's why we get along. I really shouldn't like your rodeo cheeseburger, so please stop selling them.

McDonalds, we are still not speaking. Sure, I may have my relapses since Supersize Me, but you told me those childhood lies and lured me in, but I'm done. What's this I hear about smoothies, though?...

Subway, I'm not sure what to believe (esp. with this Jerod character of yours). I'm happy to see vegetables and colors in my meal that are not coated in sugar. Thank you for multiple bread choices and offering to toast my bread. With 200 subway points from the last 3 years, you always seem to give me an odd look when I decline to use them. Even more so when I say I'm saving up for my own toaster. Also:

KFC, you're also on my naughty list. I left the day I found out you'd given up your baked beans and don't plan to forgive you anytime soon.

Arby's, inflation is ever so evident thanks to your commercials. 5 for $5 became 5 for $5.95 and now you've abandoned all of that for a pathetic excuse for a dollar menu. Times are hard, I know.

Taco Time, I know I can depend on you for one healthy thing, my bean and veggie whole wheat burrito. You remember how I like black and not refried beans and I thank you for that.

Sincerely yours,

GMB

An Open Apology to Kathy Griffin

Several comediennes have the reputation of being ‘fag hags.’  Other than the term, I don’t really have any objections to these comediennes because, comedy, like any other area of the humanities, provokes social consciousness.  Think of Ellen’s “Phone Call to God” sketch.  She really gets at some deep ideas without realizing what you’re doing.   Despite occasional crass humor, women like Margaret Cho and Kathy Griffin have my respect for this kind of subtle ‘quasi-preachy’ encouragement of social change.

I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize personally to Kathy Griffin: 

Kathy—

I must confess to you, my D-List Diva, a grievous sin. Though I actively follow your show, your Facebook updates, and your progress towards that much-deserved Grammy, I must admit that I have done something terrible.

I have put before you not another diva, but a man.

On November 21, 2009, I chose a night with a very special boy over going to see your show in Salt Lake City. Although I was sure you’d realize my potential and offer me a position as your next assistant (just from seeing me in the tenth row of the audience), I decided to take a risk on a very sweet guy.  I know you’ll forgive me… eventually. It was a moment of weakness.

Please forgive me…

…and say “Hi” to Anderson for me come New Years’ Eve.

 

Sincerely,
A Gay Mormon Boy