Monday, February 8, 2010

Adventures in Internet Dating, Part 3


“You have 6 new messages,” flashed the white letters at the top of the screen.

6 messages? Apparently, 6 strangers want to have sex with me?

My experience, however, proved that my ideas weren’t entirely true. Then again, they weren’t entirely false.

Two of those messages read something along the lines of “Hey” or “Hit me up sometime.” I suppose on any dating website they come across as shallow and questionable. Both were from guys who weren’t even in the same time zone, so a response didn’t seem all that important or necessary.

The remaining messages, however, were written with a modest amount of effort and sincerity. Don, Drake, another Drake, and Kevin. Each of them introduced themselves a bit, expressed their interest in some form, and left room for a conversation to start. And from day one conversation has never been a source of intimidation.

I read the first message with the analytical eye that I’ve been blessed/cursed with. What are they getting at? Why me? Etc.


I notice you’re new here and thought I’d introduce myself. I’m Don and I live in Salt Lake with my two dogs. I noticed you’re new here and thought I’d say hi.

Okay. He seems like a nice guy. He wants to find out what I’m interested in and why I’m on the site. What does his profile look like?


15 years older than me, balding, not all that attractive… It wasn’t all that descriptive. He wanted to meet cute guys with personalities. That’s still kind of vague.

My discretion told me: Proceed with caution: you might not want to date him, but who knows… he might be a friend?

A conversation couldn’t hurt. That’s the only way to tell for sure if anything was taken out of context or my analysis was inaccurate.

I responded:

Nice to meet you, Don. I’m GMB. I’m currently a student. I’m more of a cat person myself. Haha.

Something benign without getting too personal. It was perfect.

Minutes later I got a response to my message:

You’re really cute. What do you like to do for fun?
I’m really into writing. I like literature, poetry, and TV. What about you?

What followed was a set of messages that turned into a conversation, but not of the instant messenger sort:

What are your favorite movies?
My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a good one. And I love Love Actually.
Do you like the outdoors?
Camping’s not my favorite, but I really enjoy hiking. Do you work?
I like the outdoors. I can’t wait for summer. Are you from Utah?
Yeah. Born and raised. You?
Yep. Were you ever a missionary?
I was.
Where? So, do you come to Salt Lake a lot?
I’d rather not say. I’m not there often.
You’re welcome to stay here any time you’re around. And you can tell me where you served.
Um… honestly, I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that.

redflag What started out as an innocent conversation just left me very uncomfortable—a big red flag. He asked questions but wouldn’t talk about himself. The questions themselves probed into parts of my life that I wasn’t comfortable discussing. And finally, I was left with the impression that all these guys were really after—as I had agonized when I opened up the account—was sex.

He messaged me a couple more times, apologizing that he’d given the wrong impression, but I just decided to block any future messages. It was what felt right.

In that moment, I was ready to turn back, to say I’ve had enough, and to give up, but he was just one guy. I decided to move on to the other messages.

Things can only get better from here, right?

And time would tell.

End, Part 3


Mister Curie said...

This does not sound promising. . . I feel for you!

Ben said...

During my short stint on Connexion, the only people who contacted me were the same type you described in this post. I'm curious to see if the others were any different.

seandmc said...

That is so sketch, I may have said this before but I thought the internet would be a welcome addition to the dating scene. I guess it is uncomfortable under any conditions, but when i went to the bars in the day I went with friends to look at eye candy but not meet anyone really. It was difficult with the music, you couldn't hear anything and there were creepies always scoping out the new meat. I can't understand people misreping themselves online because you are going to see them eventually right? Anyway, there are plenty of great gay guys out there and be as picky as you need to, it will happen. Sean

chedner said...

I tried online dating for a bit, but I didn't like it.

It's tough enough finding a guy looking for someone as short as I. Online, your height is usually one of the first things people look at.

In person, one at least gets to see more than just my height and a quick blurb.

Speaking of which, that's another thing that I really don't like about online dating, that feeling of selling yourself, in a way.

Anonymous said...

If he wasn't looking for sex he was doing something else that wasn't up to par that's for sure

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

@Mr. Curie: This is only the beginning.

@boskers: Different, yes. Better or worse? We shall see.

@seandmc: It took a long time to accept pickiness as a good thing, I'll admit. Very sound advice.

@Chedner: I see where you're coming from. Despite teasing some people height hasn't really been an issue for me.

@Ethan: Def. a suspicious character.

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