Monday, August 17, 2009

Coming Out to Myself, Part Three

Having spent two years of my life telling people to answer the feelings they found in their heart and to heed to the answers of prayers, I only had one choice: I flirted back. I looked into his blue eyes, admired his physical features and intelligence, and knew why I had been unhappy: I hadn't let myself feel. My heart gyrated the rest of the night. Not out of worry or shame, but out of hope and satisfaction for the bit of my life which now felt resolved.

After dinner, we called it a night and said our goodbyes and our "nice to meet yous" as we were accustomed to doing. On the drive home that night, my heart continued to sputter with questions. We reminisced a little and discussed the night. I asked a few pointed questions testing the water. "What do you think of Grey?", "Do you think he's gay?", etc. Everyone had picked up on his flirting, but having known me for six years my sexuality didn't seem to be in question. In fact, they felt comfortable enough to tease me about the flirting and our future together only leading to stronger palpitations.

As soon as I'd dropped off the last of the friends who had gone with me, I immediately pulled out my phone and texted my best friend thanking him for inviting us and introducing me to Grey and his other friends. He immediately replied back (more aware of what had taken place that I'd anticipated), "He's a good one. Very well-informed." And a bit later, "Grey asked for your cell number. I sent it to him. Hopefully you won't mind?" Naturally, I didn't and things turned out for the better.


Huntress78 said...

I just found your blog via blogcatalog and even just reading the title of your blog, i was intrigued!
When i find a new blog, i like to go back to the start and im so glad i did with yours!
I was going to make a comment after reading the first post.. but then i couldnt stop reading! I had to know what was next!

Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! It takes courage to speak up the way you did! I love that you found who you are! How it was all meant to be!

I have dated Mormon boys before and i understand a little bit of the religion and what being gay means in the eyes of the members. I cant know exactly how you felt going thru all things, but babe, i really can imagine xxx hugs xxx

OK i am going to go back to reading now.. Hope you are having an awesome day xxx mwah xxx

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